MissYou Mami...

Dear Sisters,

As I was preparing for our get together today on C.S. Lewis' The Four Loves, I reread chapter 4 on Friendship.   What a master Lewis is in describing the love of friendship and in particular, how each of us brings out an aspect of one another that is unique.  If any of us were to leave the group or move away, as when our friend leaves for Maine each year, we don't have more of one another, but instead are somewhat diminished, because only she can bring out that unique part of us that reacts to her words and her presence.

This got me thinking about the loss of my mother.  As we grow, we go from being the 'child' with all our needs and wants.  The 'child' needs to be fed, clothed, comforted, and taught.  This stage I supposed can last forever if the person remains child-like and the parent continues to assert her role as 'parent'.  I have seen relationships like this well into adulthood.  How sad when that parent dies, as the 'child' no matter the age will then look to another to fulfill that need-based roll.

If one is able to leave the 'child' phase behind, then many of us experience the 'rebel' phase of development.  "I will determine what is best for me", we seem to say with every gesture, tone of voice and action.  We concentrate on the self, immerse ourselves in the world and our 'friends' and refuse the 'child' label with all that we are.

Maturity, time and life's blows often bring on an introspection of self and an reevaluation of our family and the beliefs that were a part of those years of dependency as a child.  It is then, that the branch of friendship is forged with our parents.  Perhaps those individuals weren't quite as 'thick' as we once thought.  Maybe, just maybe they know a great deal more about life and living than we have given them credit for.  As our experiences in marriage, child-bearing, and life bump along, so does a deep friendship, especially with the parent that shares our gender.  Here is a kindred spirit that can understand the stages of life that we ourselves are experiencing.

My mother used to tell a story to us about an old conductor on a train in Cuba.  The conductor saw this beautiful young mother with four children get on a train bound for Havana.  He nodded sagely and said  "Where you are, I have been... and where I am, you are going."  What a wise and wistful comment to a women in the peak of her life.  My mother always reflected on the old conductor's words and she often said the same thing to us as we were growing and having our own children.

Which brings me back to Lewis and his insightful chapter on friendship.  He didn't specifically speak to the friendship that develops between aging parents and adult children, but I see so many applications of his wise words.

In particular, the insight that comes regarding what a person brings forth from each of us, that no one else can, is so true.  Now that my wonderful mother is gone, I keenly miss the friendship that I had developed with her as I matured.  I also greatly miss the parts of my sisters and brothers that only my mother's presence could bring forth.  We are so lucky to have had this amazing person as our mother, but her absence is not just a loss in each of our lives individually, but a loss to us collectively.   We have done our best to soldier on as a family, but an element essential, vital, maternal, and unique to each of us as individuals and as a group is now missing.

I am grateful for the presence of friends in my life that see 'the truth' as I see it.  It is as if God, knowing what he would soon be taking from my life that was precious and unique, wanted in His in estimable goodness to replace it with special friendships to help see me through this loss.

Dear God,

Thank you so much for my amazing mother, bless her soul and have mercy on her,
Thank you for giving me your mother as solace for my loss, Mary my mother, pray for us!
Thank you for the wonderful, unique and loving women you have put in my life,
Thank you for what You bring to every aspect of my life.  For my life itself.
All that I am, all that I will be has been called out by You.

AMEN!